I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
