bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
