mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
