we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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