so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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