My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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