at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
