You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i permit you to call me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
