You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
