Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
