When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
