i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
