I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
