Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
