Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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