I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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