you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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