I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
