I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
