I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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