a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
