can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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