update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
