I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
