I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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