no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
