home. puking in laundry basket.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
