I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
