So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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