i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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