It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
