Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
