on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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