If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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