he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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