I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
