No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
