they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
