There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
