Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
