Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
