Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
