There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
