I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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