Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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