I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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