I wanna bring you to show and tell
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
