New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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