you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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