the condom got lost in my hair
Sober January is a disaster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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