my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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